It’s really cold tonight, and I haven’t got any food since morning. Aw, I tried to wash my wounded palm; I thought that doing this would make the wound better, but I’ve mistaken. The wound seems to be more painful. I was born in this family twelve years ago, by a mistake. My father was made his affair partner to be pregnant. Although she didn’t take care of me, she didn’t abort me, because my father actually wanted to take care of me, even if I am a son of his sins.
I used to live happily with my father; he really loved me, except all remaining family member. They thought I would bring misfortune to this family. I never blame them. Maybe that’s right, because since I came to this family, people spoke badly about my father, they even spitting in front of this family’s house. My existence brings nothing but only trouble.
But every time I talked about this to father, he only smiles and say: “That’s alright, they only jealous to us because we’re a great couple of son and father. Nobody born with sin; everyone is innocent when they born and I don’t believe in misfortune or something like that.” I always glad to hear him saying that, he often defend me when my family tried to did something wrong to me, until one day, he was sick. Everyone thought that it was me who caused his illness. I wanted to saw him at that moment, but nobody allowed me to. I was sneaking to visit him. He was very happy to saw me came, but unfortunately, someone knew I came there and told to family member. My father’s first son (which mean my brother, although he never thought I am his brother) suddenly came and hit my head until it was bleeding. I didn’t understand why, but next, my father touched his left chest and fell down. He died after all and all of family said that that was my fault, and since then, I live tortured under the pressure of my remaining family.
They often hit me, and ask me to work very hard they will let me to stop working after I fainted. Until today I only obey their command because, I couldn’t do anything because they are my only family. Sometimes I think how if I just die to end my suffering. But I remember I have promised to my father to stay alive even though I have faced every kind of obstacle in my life.
After I finish washing my wounded hand. I come back to home. And I should continue moving some bag of rice and when I begin to carry on my back, someone push me until I fall and the rice is spilled out. Suddenly my eldest brother come and whip me three times without say anything and he kick me too. I only can crying and my eldest brother ask me to clean the spilled out rice after clean the rice I carry some bag of rice again. After do all of the work, I feel hurt all of my body. As I try to heal my body, unintentionally I hear all of my family member are talking each other.
“Have you ever thing that Alex only bring many troubles all of the time?”
“Yes, I agree with you, he only bring ashamed to our family !”
“How if we killed him and buried his body at our backyard nobody would know?”
“Yes, that’s good idea!”
I astonished to hear that, suddenly my legs feel limp and I fall. My fallen body makes a voice which can be heard by them.
“That’s Alex, chase him!”
With my body trembled, I run as fast as I can. They run after me while bringing samurai. Incidentally one of my family stumbled and his sword thrown beside me. Suddenly my instinct to defend my life awaken. I take the sword and kill everyone without ever think about it before. when my mind is coming back to the reality I realize is full of fresh blood and nobody life except me.
After that I clean my body from the blood, gathering all of my families body to he house and burn it all.
Father, I have fulfilled my promised to stay alive even though I’ve been a sinner. Am I still remain innocent in your eyes?
Now I have to travel around the world to unknown future. But I’m very happy can be freed from the pressure of my family.
By : Josafat/XI IPA/18